i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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