you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize