I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize