If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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