I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
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Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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