why do cheetos always look like penises
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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