As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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