my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pants are for mortals
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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