Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My bed smells like the plague
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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