Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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