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It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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