i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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