I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I forget how to act sober
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize