I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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