I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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