I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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