I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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