That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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