fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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