If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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