I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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