Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

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  (803): im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk http://tfl.nu/jksc
  Replies (39) Good night (3986) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"

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  (702): i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower" http://tfl.nu/j2hm
  Replies (8) Good night (522) Bad night (3152) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

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  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10432) Bad night (626)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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  (773): I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs. http://tfl.nu/fbpk
  Replies (17) Good night (649) Bad night (3334) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
  Replies (88) Good night (5358) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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  (614): Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by. http://tfl.nu/jzor
  Replies (49) Good night (996) Bad night (4759) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.

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  (410): I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time. http://tfl.nu/uvgg
  Replies (14) Good night (5261) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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  (315): And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/66e0
  Replies (7) Good night (3362) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.

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  (256): He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m. http://tfl.nu/vqeg
  Replies (9) Good night (700) Bad night (2044) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes. 

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  (406): Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.  http://tfl.nu/b2xf
  Replies (2) Good night (937) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.

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  (812): An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw. http://tfl.nu/0rhv
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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  (586): I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science. http://tfl.nu/0s8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1281) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.

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  (620): Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day. http://tfl.nu/8ts7
  Replies (6) Good night (295) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  I love you more by the minute

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  (917): I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning (1-917): I love you more by the minute http://tfl.nu/4g8c
  Replies (5) Good night (1310) Bad night (207)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter

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  (305): to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter http://tfl.nu/2ljl
  Replies (5) Good night (433) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt

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