So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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