the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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