I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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