i may or may not be watching the land before time
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
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Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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