she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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