We won't sleep together?
I will die if light touches me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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