sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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