Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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