Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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