Sry I called you an 8
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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