you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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