i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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