I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im holly from the hills drunk
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Floor bacon is actually really good
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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