Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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