Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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