I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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