just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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