moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize