i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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