I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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