good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize