i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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