There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize