im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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