I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
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Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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