Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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