Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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