I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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